September 8, 2014 - "It’s a lot easier to say you like to stare up at the stars.. than to actually do it."
I’ve loved you since the first time i saw you.
before i knew what love was, before i could comprehend or even try to begin to understand the attraction itself.
you are seriously the closest thing to my world, and you’re more beautiful than you could ever know.
when times seem dark, you are the only one that continues to illuminate my life, again and again.
even when you show your different sides, even when they’re dark.
But i just have to say that you are most beautiful when you really, really show yourself, and when you blush… i swear, it is the most loveliest shade of red that i have ever laid eyes on.
at times, you drive me absolutely insane.
but.. you often guide me, keeping amazing company, and are the only one i want to say goodnight to at the end of every night for the rest of my life.
but we can never be together… there is an unreasonable distance, and I’m slowly accepting the fact that.. i will never ever even get the chance to simply.. touch you, and very few.. very lucky few, have had the privilege to go where no one has ever been before, and i would be lying if i said i wasn’t somewhat jealous.
but i don’t care about those things, you are not someTHING to be conquered, and i honestly don’t care who got there first.
i just want you to know, that whenever your feeling shy, or forgotten, that there is someone out there who still smiles every time that he see’s you, someone who has admired you since day one, someone who no matter what, will always and forever be effected by you..
someone lame enough to write a love letter to the fucking moon.
sincerely, forever and always.
p.s. - you looked “super” tonight.
to make a long story short
i’ve been spending the last 8 months in FL.
helped my dad out and ran the bar for a bit.
fell in love with a funny talking british chick.
and got to be there for my friends battling life changing health issues.
but it can all change in a heartbeat…
maybe I should just get used to losing the things i love most.
but no matter what, it sent me back out into the world again.
so for the second time, i said my goodbyes and left that life behind me.
my first stop i got to play guitar in Nashville TN for a bit.
made my way through the states to Wisconsin.
and now im spending time with my mom on lake superior before winter falls.
i want to head west, but i might have to head east first.
im not ready to go back to Portland yet, but when the wind blows.. i have to go with it.
I have to keep reminding myself that i cant go on to the next chapter if i keep re-reading the last one.
and as much as it hurts, as much as i truly loved this last chapter.. i have to move on, i have to keep going.
there’s so much more to this life, and a lot more to my story.
My heart is heavy, but at least it’s where it belongs, out here…
[blowing in the wind]
The nostalgia of a moment’s love can be an illusionary precipice from which we fall from truth; in heartbreak, what we escape to in the past is what tortures us in the present.